Toasts are a way to bless an historic event – or celebrate a monumental feat. But mostly to make fun of those – which without, no party’s replete!
Enjoy the following toasts…
- Drink today and drown all your sorrow. You may perhaps not be here tomorrow. Best drink while you have it, use all your breath. ‘Cause there’s no drinking after your death.
- I love you more than I did before – the week I discovered alcohol.
- Here’s to the man who is wisest and best. Here’s to the man whose judgment is blest. Here’s to the man who’s as smart as can be. Here’s to the man who agrees with me.
- Here’s to the chest of a barmaid in Sale. Upon which were tattooed the prices of ale. And on her behind for the sake of the blind, was the same information in Braille.
- As you continue to slide down the bannister of life…may the splinters never point the wrong way.
- Here’s to our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet.
Over the Hill
- Here’s to the girl in the little red shoes, who smokes my cigars and drinks my booze. She’s no virgin, but that’s no sin. She’s still got the box the cherry came in.
- You’re not too old when your hair turns gray. You’re not too old when your teeth decay. But you’ll know you’re awaiting that final sleep when your mind makes promises that your body can’t keep.
- Here’s to another candle on your cake, but there’s no need to pout. Just be glad you’ve still got the strength to blow the damn thing out.
- Here’s to Eve, mother of our race, who wore a fig leaf in just the right place. And here’s to Adam, father of us all, who was Johnny-on-the-spot when the leaves began to fall.
- Let us raise our glasses and then imbibe, to the splendid couple that founded this tribe.
- Here’s to that moment of sweet repose, when it’s cheek to cheek and nose to nose. For after that moment of sublime delight, it’s fanny to fanny for the rest of the night.
- To keep a marriage brining within the loving cup – When you are wrong, admit it, and when you are right, shut up!
- Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree. But if perchance we ever do, here’s to me, to hell with you.
- May all your ups and downs be between the sheets.
Grandma or Grandpa Birthday
- May you always see life in a large way, and more importantly, large print.
- May you die in bed at 105, shot by a jealous husband or wife.
One of my favorite authors on the planet, Dr. Seuss, wrote the following on The Golden Age.
The golden years have come at last, why don’t I feel this is a blast?
I cannot see. I cannot pee. I cannot chew. What can I do?
My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks. No sense of smell…I look like hell.
My body’s drooping. Got trouble pooping. And people ask, “Why am I stooping?”
The golden years have come at last.
The golden years can kiss my ass.
Read yesterday’s Workout Wednesday “Does this make my butt look big?”
Tune in tomorrow for Freelance Friday 5 Reasons You Can’t Seem to Achieve Your Goals and “What Next?” guest post by blogger LemonsLemonade
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