If I’m running 13.1 miles, it’s because I’m either being chased by Freddie Krueger wielding a gun, I’m attempting to outrun K-9 dogs from the local penitentiary, or I’m chasing the ice cream truck to snag one of those shortbread cream dreams. I understand that many of you crazy health nuts out there run to improve your quality of life. I have a personal theory that you’re endorphin junkies. But whatever your reason may be for running 331 linear acres, a strategic training plan should be developed and consistently followed. I am the living epitome of the word Beginner, so I’ll outline below the baby steps to hone you into “evading the Po Po” shape in 13-22 short weeks. Continue reading “WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 1/2 MARATHON TRAINING SCHEDULE/SCHMEDULE”→
Next week, Sherrie’s Always Write brings weekday humor and worldly insight to your inbox Monday – Friday. Each provides a 4 to 5 minute commentary on topics ranging from How a Country Mouse like me handles the Rat Race of city life to how to train for a half-marathon ~ or not. Don’t miss our Freelance Friday 10 Writing Rules by Elmore Leonard.
As I age graceful like a prune, I continue to scan my Woman’s Day and AARP magazines for exercises that keep me fit without abusing what connective tissue I have left. Surpassing 50 has traumatized me enough. I’m not seeking a fitness plan that exacerbates the trauma on my post-menopausal porous bones right into a lifetime subscription for Boniva. I’ve researched every exercise guru website on the World Wide Womb and have discovered that I can perform these fitness gems right from the comfort of my home. No $4,000 treadmills or workout gear is needed. I rounded up a broom, my unused yoga mat, a 2×4, a chair, and built my own workout studio for Over-50-Somethings. Continue reading “WORKOUT WEDNESDAY EXERCISES FOR OVER-50-SOMETHINGS”→
I’ve been in a pseudo barbaric relationship with my personal trainer for a year now. I’ve weighed pro against con and have arrived at the same conclusion each time – John has to go. Other than the humiliation heaped upon me and the excruciating pain he joyfully inflicts for one hour every week, he’s a tolerable guy. But the fairy tale must end sometime. Our Beauty and the Beast role-play is not really working for me. A girl can only be the Beast for so long. So, to my masochistic Beauty, I must say ‘fare thee well.’ I’ve enclosed this letter so that it may serve to guide you in future liasons and save some other Joe Schmoe from the agony of reaching for horizons that are clearly unattainable. Continue reading “WORKOUT WEDNESDAY DEAR JOHN TO MY PERSONAL TRAINER”→
Speed, agility, and intellect are the key focus of every teachers’ foray back into the classroom for the annual back to school opening ceremonies. We marvel at the Olympians who travel from around the world to compete in the quadrennial games hosted by an exotic country, but we know little about the games played out each year in the school classroom. Explore the tougher pursuits that classroom leaders of our little leprechauns must battle every day. These are true Gold Medal winners!
Bladder Control Throughout the school day, your tiny loved ones must be allowed to tinkle on demand and with liberal regularity. But for teachers, this is an unknown luxury. It’s a catch 22 for every teacher who’s ever had to mentally prepare for the day. It starts with multiple forms of caffeine piloted down the throat so that morning energy is at peak capacity when the little darlings arrive. Then before the children’s first break comes, the dreaded pee-pee dance for teacher has become an art form all on its own. The Bladder Control competition is fierce, and there are many losers. For your child’s holiday teacher gift, consider giving him or her a thoughtful certificate to a Urologist, or even a sweetly wrapped bag of Depends.
Backpack Bingo We’ve all purchased the latest Disney or Marvel Comics backpack for our sweet little urchins. But at the end of the day, teachers must tap the telekinetic region of their brain to help decipher which Captain America backpack belongs to Johnny, and which one gets a ride home with Patrick. There’s nothing worse than a teacher receiving a middle of the night phone call from an angry parent questioning the detention slip inadvertently slipped into the wrong child’s book bag. Teachers not only have to be aware of and keep track of every child’s belongings, they must develop a 6th sense that serves as a tracking device. This competition is more competitive in First and Second grade classrooms.
Runny Nose Race You’ve sent the required 2 boxes of Kleenex to school listed on your child’s supply list. But did you ever stop to think about how your 6-year old keeps his nose clean during cold season? Teachers must not only instruct a roomful of little Petrie dishes who don’t feel well enough to learn today, but must also assist in the wiping of nose after nose. Visions of children lined up at the teacher’s desk to secure one of the precious facial tissues and eventually are assisted in wiping the snotty mess off their face hits me square in the gag button. However, you should commend your child’s teacher for not only wiping noses all day long, but for building their own resistance to bacteria-viral strains carried only by munchkins under the age of 7. Gold medals given all around!
Craft Hour Hurdles Susie once again brought home a refrigerator-worthy artful masterpiece of macaroni glued to a blue hand silhouette mounted on a less than sturdy paper plate. You marvel at your child’s crafting prowess, but never give a second thought at the man-hours invested by the teacher so that every child ends up with a Monet they can call their own. Once the art supplies have been personally purchased by the teacher (don’t get me started on this one), arranged said supplies on every desk while the children are at recess, rounded up 30 oversized painting smocks (really these are Goodwill men’s shirts), and said a prayer, the overcharged and high strung kiddos come racing back in from the playground to tap their inner artist. The teacher assists each child dip their hand into quick-drying, blue, tempera paint, imprint it onto a paper plate, keep Hayley from eating the Elmer’s glue, clean up hard elbow macaroni from the floor 27 times, write each child’s name on their artwork, clean 30 sets of blue hands, and store the newly created Renoirs in a safe place to dry. This is completed in under one hour, because these little buggers have short attention spans. There’s no medal worthy enough for this competition. But if there was, it would be made from some heavenly substance and have superhuman powers to teleport your child’s teacher to a bathtub filled with Calgon bubbles. Photo by shobnallprimaryschool.com
This Schoolyear / Olympic season, don’t forget the unsung heroes in classroom trenches around the world. Each teacher is not only an Olympian athlete but is a champion of children in a gladiator ring full of lions.
Next week, Sherrie’s Always Write brings weekday humor and worldly insight to your inbox Monday – Friday. Each provides a 4 to 5 minute commentary on topics ranging from the creative tools your child will use at school this year to the poignant story of 10 Olympic refugees’ road to Rio. Don’t miss our Freelance Friday Guest Blogger R.F. Dunham as he imparts nuggets of writing wisdom.
I neither claim to be a technology wizard nor a person who actually works out. But if I’m going to risk mimicking either role, why not multitask and land a perfect two-fer? I can at least be a poser plus look like I’m exercising my way into shape and appear tech savvy while sweating to the oldies. My technology department (consisting of one person) researched the most efficient way to pull off the greatest feat in all of workout land. The results are an astounding culmination of stylish gear that is both wearable and futuristic. So, if you plan to P90X or PiYo your physique into svelte celebrity status, this list will propel you onto the red carpet sporting “May the force be with you” workout togs. Continue reading “WORKOUT WEDNESDAY A-Z TECHIE WORKOUT TOGS”→
Next week, Sherrie’s Always Write brings weekday humor and worldly insight to your inbox Monday – Friday. Each provides a 4 to 5 minute commentary on topics ranging from the hilarious made up Olympics in the Midwest to Lunchbox Drinks for the Curtain Climbers. Don’t miss our Freelance Friday Guest Blogger Benjamin Thomas as he imparts wisdom on How to Attract Readers Using Top Blogging Basics.
I recently searched the world wide warp for wearable workout clothing. My eyes began to roll around in their sockets. I quickly became dizzy and disoriented. Once I kum ba yah’d to my safe place, I weighed my available what to wear options. I was thinking Nike, Adidas, or even a fancy Lulu Lemon getup. Little did I know that the science behind spandex procurement was as complex as my college physics class with Dr. Feelgood. Below are things I learned during my quest for performance enhancing paraphernalia. Continue reading “WORKOUT WEDNESDAY WHAT TO WEAR”→