I’ve been in a pseudo barbaric relationship with my personal trainer for a year now. I’ve weighed pro against con and have arrived at the same conclusion each time – John has to go. Other than the humiliation heaped upon me and the excruciating pain he joyfully inflicts for one hour every week, he’s a tolerable guy. But the fairy tale must end sometime. Our Beauty and the Beast role-play is not really working for me. A girl can only be the Beast for so long. So, to my masochistic Beauty, I must say ‘fare thee well.’ I’ve enclosed this letter so that it may serve to guide you in future liasons and save some other Joe Schmoe from the agony of reaching for horizons that are clearly unattainable. Continue reading “WORKOUT WEDNESDAY DEAR JOHN TO MY PERSONAL TRAINER”→
In college, my second favorite course was Art Literature. My first favorite was Statistical Analysis (don’t ask). It may seem an obscure idea that one has anything to do with the other. But when analyzing art, my left brain takes over and begins to dissect the finer details of the beautiful masterpiece that my right brain is admiring. If you look at many of the Masters’ paintings as a whole, the picture that lay before you most assuredly has a secret life hidden in the finer details. Symbolism was a common method used to depict love, loyalty, morality, and desire. Below, I’ve divulged the soap opera screenplay of several renowned pieces of art. Continue reading “TRENDING TUESDAY THE SECRET LIFE OF ART”→
You’re preparing to embark on a life without mom or dad, and visions of trashcan punch dance in your head. Whatever you believe college life will be, it’s not. These common issues will surely need to be dealt with at some point during your long-awaited post-secondary years. If you take heed of your boy scout/girl scout preparedness training, the pain will be minimal, and college may turn out to be the most formidable years of your life. Get a spiral notebook and take copious notes here. It just may save your learning career. Continue reading “MANIC MONDAY DORM ROOM DISASTERS”→
Next week, Sherrie’s Always Write brings weekday humor and worldly insight to your inbox Monday – Friday. Each provides a 4 to 5 minute commentary on topics ranging from Dorm Room Dissasters to the Sins of Absinthe. Don’t miss our Freelance Friday Guest Blogger Donna Hepburn with UK Content Writer as she imparts nuggets of writing wisdom.
We writers love words. While that’s all good, sometimes we love them a little too much. My experience as an editor has taught me that what most books need is a liberal application of the DELETE button. Today, I want to help you learn how to cut down on some of those unneeded words so that the truly important ones can shine through.
Two of the most prolific country artists, Willie Nelson and Toby Keith, said it best – “Whiskey for my men and beer for my horses.” So it should come as no surprise to discover that the Babylonians and Mesopotamians were on to something when they began making whiskey in the 2nd millennium BC. As early as the 11th century, monks refined the methods still used today to produce this golden liquor. What is this much ado about fermented grain mash? Scots, Gaelics, and good old Irish boys have spent over 1,000 years honing their distillery skills, and quality whiskey is the result of their toils and trouble. So what education do you need to fit in with the serious whiskey samplers in your local neighborhood whiskey bar? Who among us has the knowledge to swirl and sniff out the best smoky peat? Here’s your beginner’s lesson. Continue reading “THIRSTY THURSDAY WHISKEY RUN AMONK”→
Speed, agility, and intellect are the key focus of every teachers’ foray back into the classroom for the annual back to school opening ceremonies. We marvel at the Olympians who travel from around the world to compete in the quadrennial games hosted by an exotic country, but we know little about the games played out each year in the school classroom. Explore the tougher pursuits that classroom leaders of our little leprechauns must battle every day. These are true Gold Medal winners!
Bladder Control Throughout the school day, your tiny loved ones must be allowed to tinkle on demand and with liberal regularity. But for teachers, this is an unknown luxury. It’s a catch 22 for every teacher who’s ever had to mentally prepare for the day. It starts with multiple forms of caffeine piloted down the throat so that morning energy is at peak capacity when the little darlings arrive. Then before the children’s first break comes, the dreaded pee-pee dance for teacher has become an art form all on its own. The Bladder Control competition is fierce, and there are many losers. For your child’s holiday teacher gift, consider giving him or her a thoughtful certificate to a Urologist, or even a sweetly wrapped bag of Depends.
Photo by Ottawadcitizen.com
Backpack Bingo We’ve all purchased the latest Disney or Marvel Comics backpack for our sweet little urchins. But at the end of the day, teachers must tap the telekinetic region of their brain to help decipher which Captain America backpack belongs to Johnny, and which one gets a ride home with Patrick. There’s nothing worse than a teacher receiving a middle of the night phone call from an angry parent questioning the detention slip inadvertently slipped into the wrong child’s book bag. Teachers not only have to be aware of and keep track of every child’s belongings, they must develop a 6th sense that serves as a tracking device. This competition is more competitive in First and Second grade classrooms.
Photo by caringforkids.billingsclinic.com
Runny Nose Race You’ve sent the required 2 boxes of Kleenex to school listed on your child’s supply list. But did you ever stop to think about how your 6-year old keeps his nose clean during cold season? Teachers must not only instruct a roomful of little Petrie dishes who don’t feel well enough to learn today, but must also assist in the wiping of nose after nose. Visions of children lined up at the teacher’s desk to secure one of the precious facial tissues and eventually are assisted in wiping the snotty mess off their face hits me square in the gag button. However, you should commend your child’s teacher for not only wiping noses all day long, but for building their own resistance to bacteria-viral strains carried only by munchkins under the age of 7. Gold medals given all around!
Craft Hour Hurdles Susie once again brought home a refrigerator-worthy artful masterpiece of macaroni glued to a blue hand silhouette mounted on a less than sturdy paper plate. You marvel at your child’s crafting prowess, but never give a second thought at the man-hours invested by the teacher so that every child ends up with a Monet they can call their own. Once the art supplies have been personally purchased by the teacher (don’t get me started on this one), arranged said supplies on every desk while the children are at recess, rounded up 30 oversized painting smocks (really these are Goodwill men’s shirts), and said a prayer, the overcharged and high strung kiddos come racing back in from the playground to tap their inner artist. The teacher assists each child dip their hand into quick-drying, blue, tempera paint, imprint it onto a paper plate, keep Hayley from eating the Elmer’s glue, clean up hard elbow macaroni from the floor 27 times, write each child’s name on their artwork, clean 30 sets of blue hands, and store the newly created Renoirs in a safe place to dry. This is completed in under one hour, because these little buggers have short attention spans. There’s no medal worthy enough for this competition. But if there was, it would be made from some heavenly substance and have superhuman powers to teleport your child’s teacher to a bathtub filled with Calgon bubbles. Photo by shobnallprimaryschool.com
This Schoolyear / Olympic season, don’t forget the unsung heroes in classroom trenches around the world. Each teacher is not only an Olympian athlete but is a champion of children in a gladiator ring full of lions.
I proudly waive the flag of my beloved country. 10 Rio Refugee Athletes enter this year’s Olympic games dreaming of Gold, Silver, and Bronze, but have no country with whom to celebrate the potential fruits of their labor. Every Olympic games, there are athletes who compete without a country for various reasons. This year, 43 refugees were whittled down to 10 athletes, and for the First Time have joined forces to compete as a unified team. They are the orphans of the Olympiad games, but they belong to us all. The team will compete under the Olympic flag, and if any one of these spectacular athletes wins a medal, Continue reading “TRENDING TUESDAY 10 RIO OLYMPIC REFUGEE ATHLETES WITHOUT A COUNTRY”→
It’s CRAZY that you made it. Where have you been? Welcome to Freelance Friday, hosted by me, SherriesAlwaysWrite. In the literal future, this high-rent space will be occupied by others who will impart wisdom far more enlightened than mine. But since this is my first post, I will lay out what I believe my blogger obligation is to you, the reader.
Bladder Control
Craft Hour Hurdles
Sherrie
Sherrie's Always Write 
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