By USVALDO DE LEON
When I have a spare moment (of which I have too few) I look to fill it with video input from a device of some sort (of which I have too many). It has done terrible things to my attention span,
which once stretched from New York all the way to Tokyo, but these days stretches from New York to a somewhat more westward part of New York.
However, I was wizened well before modernity began leaching my brain cells. For that reason, I feel myself qualified to comment on and attempt to improve your life. I’m talking about dispensing advice, people. I’d love to say that listening to my words will improve your quality of life by a measurable amount, but I cautiously say that “the dispenser of this advice (hereafter referred to as me) neither represents nor warrants any advice that you read.” I also think it prudent to state that “Your Mileage May Vary.”
Sometimes when I watch on one of my many devices, I watch multiple devices simultaneously. A movie on the phone and a video on the tablet, for example – this is how I roll. Some may say I’m distracted in doing this. To them I say “Wait – this is the good …”
Therefore, I present to you, for your edification but not in a legally actionable way:
Life Lessons from Movies (or possibly videos too) to Vastly Improve Your Life
Set Your Emotions Free!
I was watching game 7 of the NBA Finals on TV and Howard’s End on the tablet. Le Bron James won the championship and things got a bit emotional. Bron Bron cried so much I thought his jaw would unhinge. I have never seen that. Simultaneously, Hannibal Lecter was so composed, so tightly wound. It was like he had always heard that emotion was designed to be harnessed like a fuel. Lecter’s jaw was wired so tightly I waited for his teeth to disintegrate.
Hannibal Lecter never won an NBA championship (although I will say that becoming a top flight butler after escaping the institution…hats off. But lighten up!). Le Bron has been open and communicated honestly with his emotions – and has won three championships. The evidence is overwhelming; tell people how you feel!
Pursue Your Passions
I was lounging, eating those powdered donuts that are like mainlining sugar direct into my bloodstream, when I flipped over to Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad is my favorite show – a tale of a man who breaks free of the shackles of society and pursues his happiness: cooking pristine blue meth. I got an email notification of new video and I turned it on: it was Rosanna Pansino making some impossible (and impossibly tasty) treat on Nerdy Nummies.
Maybe it was the donuts, but it hit me: ‘Self’, I said, ‘you need to pursue your passion!’ Maybe cooking meth or tasty treats are not your style. But something is. Look at Juliette Binoche. She made chocolates and landed Johnny Depp.
Whatever your passion is, you need to pursue it. “Should I leave my job”? Should you? Of course! What could go wrong?
Getting contradictory information is a drag, especially when it comes from the same person. Russell Crowe for instance, was telling me the other day that avenging my family and restoring my good name was everything. But when I looked into my hand, Russell Crowe was telling me that justice must be pursued at any cost for any reason. I got a contact sugar high (finishing off the powdered donuts) and the two movies combined, where Javert from Les Miserable waves a finger in the arena and gives Commodus a hearty j’accuse. I don’t speak French, but I believe that means “stop eating powdered donuts”.
I’m rereading this and I have come to the realization that I am, perhaps, highly unqualified to dispense advice. I’m sorry. To make it up to you, I googled “what is the best piece of advice” and the answer was “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” What else do you need? That encapsulates everything I think I know about life.
Tune in next week for Manic Monday Pray the Gay Away.
Read yesterday’s Thirsty Thursday Coconut Water on a 3-Hour Tour